


Have I Failed You?

by anders (orphan_account)



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Brother Feels, Deathfic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-24 06:06:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/anders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had all happened so fast. Fili didn’t know what to do. All he could remember was a bright light, a loud noise and a sharp feeling that was almost too strong to be pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have I Failed You?

It had all happened so fast. Fili didn’t know what to do. All he could remember was a bright light, a loud noise and a sharp feeling that was almost too strong to be pain. There was a strong ringing in his ears that overwhelmed the rest of his senses. His body was contorted in a strange manner and there was a sharp pain along the entire left side of his body. Fili’s eyes were clasped shut in a manner that almost seemed like they were stuck that way.

His mind couldn’t piece together what had just happened. One minute he and his younger brother, Kili were just sitting there in his car, driving along the road in silence. Not a strange event at all, not until you went and read into the particular circumstances that they found themselves in. If there was one thing the brothers never did it was fought. They got on together better than anything else in the world, their bond was strong and unbreakable.  Which why it was so strange that today, of all days, they began to banter. But then the bantering turned into bickering. And then that bickering turned into an argument. Which turned into a fight.

It wasn’t the type of fight that only lasted for a minute or two, where they would look at each other and instantly know they both had forgive the opposite and they’d laugh over their stupidity. No, it was definitely not that type of fight. It was the type of fight where you couldn’t even look at the person without feeling the anger bubbling closer to the rim. The type of fight that made you want to hide away from the person forever and wallowing in the fury. As much as it hurt Fili to have these feelings towards Kili, his brother, his family, his  _kin_. He couldn’t help it at the time. But the funny thing to him now was, he couldn’t even remember what they had been fighting about.

A strange groaning sound got louder to him as the ringing in his ears faded. After a moment or two he realized that it was himself that was making that sound. It shocked Fili enough for him to take a big deep breath in, which caused him to cough grossly directly after. The air around him wasn’t clean, nor was his mind. A thick haze covered all of his thoughts, as if he were pushing through syrup or thinking in slow motion. He tried to move, but then there was sharp pain all around him. He tried to open his eyes but when he did he just saw blur and feel a stinging sensation so he closed them once more.

Fili couldn’t hear anything besides a crackling noise and his own breathing. But then he heard it. A quiet whimper. He knew who belonged to that sound. It was Kili. And he was in pain. He opened his mouth to speak his brother’s name, but no sound came out. He attempted again to open his eyes, this time he got more of a picture. He was still in the car, but it wasn’t up right. Was it on it’s side? He couldn’t tell. There was an flickering, orange light - fire. After he put the pieces together, he felt stupid for not realizing it sooner. They had crashed on their way to Uncle Thorin’s.

Somewhere midst the silence of the fight they had crashed. Fili had been careless and allowed himself to somehow crash the car and put himself in danger. But even worse, he had hurt Kili. His younger brother who he was supposed to keep from harm’s way, not put him even closer to it. Fili felt as if he deserved this pain. He deserved to feel the hurt and he deserved to feel Kili’s pain as well. Kili shouldn’t be feeling pain, Kili should never be feeling pain.

The heat he felt inside of the car grew, the car was on fire somewhere. Fili knew that they had to get out of there, and soon. He moved slightly, closer to where he knew Kili would be. His body screamed in pain as a protest but he ignored it. Kili was more important than his own pain. He didn’t know how badly hurt the younger Durin was and it scared him to think of his baby brother in the same - or even stronger - amount of agony that he was currently in.

“Kili…” His voice finally croaked out, a lot quieter and more broken that he had expected it to be. He blinked his eyes with force, trying to clear his vision. As everything happened faster, his mind moved slower than before. He choked out another wheezing cough as his brother whimpered again. “Kili, it’s okay. I’m here.” He forced out, realizing he still had his seat belt done up. Seat belts were always something that Kili would forget, but Fili would remember. Unfortunately, Fili’s usually reminder’s to Kili had once again been forgot on this night. Struggling to release the strap that kept him in place, he let out another groan of pain. Every small movement hurt in ways he didn’t think possible. But again, that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was Kili.

Finally free and moving as close to Kili as the turned over car would allow him he looked at his brother, his foggy eyes, full of horror. The sight he was was not a good one. Kili’s arm was contorting in a strange way, his leg looked to be crushed under something and there was the blood. There was more blood than Fili had ever seen in his life. More blood than he thought could be in one person. He knew that Kili had been more damaged than he himself had. A strong pain and anguish fell over him. He was the reason for this happening - if he had just been paying attention to his driving and not his anger, they could be at their Uncle Thorin’s  having a good time. Not laying in an ruined car, their lives slowly leaving them.

Through his distress and his scanning over his brother’s condition, Kili spoke. It was strung out and pained, but it was his voice nonetheless. “Fi-li.” At the sound of hearing his own name, Fili felt the feelings of despair grew stronger. His brother was not going to be okay, he could tell. It wasn’t from the injuries he could see on Kili’s body, no, it was just the two syllables he struggle to pronounce. He could feel it in his bones. There was a foreign emptiness to his voice that gave it away. “Wha…appened..” Kili continued not even able to finish his words and began to whimper again, his face contorting with pain, “My arm…”

“Shh…” He strained his voice to sound as strong as it could,  “You’re okay…” He could taste the lie on his tongue, but he didn’t want Kili to die scared, even though he was sure he already was. Fili would offer the last consoling words he could. The thought scared him - last. The last time he’d see Kili, the last time he’d hear his voice. No, it couldn’t happen. It couldn’t. Kili had only been on this earth for eighteen years. He hadn’t even grown a beard yet. There was so much he had to do and see and even though Fili was only a few years older, Kili was still a child to him. A child he had in his care. A child he failed to protect.

Fili reached, straining his arm as he did so, to gently put his hand in Kili’s hair. He tangled his fingers through his brother’s curly locks, rubbing his thumb gently over them. “I’m so sorry I was angry…” Fili said, finally feeling the hot tears spill out of his eyes. He didn’t let himself sob. He couldn’t do that now. Not while Kili was like this. Fili knew he could probably climb out of the car to find help, but he didn’t think Kili could last that long. And he would not let his baby brother die alone.

“Fili…” Kili struggled to say once more, his blurry eyes, focusing on his older brother with difficulty. He closed his mouth, looking at Fili, trying to understand what was happening, but his mind wasn’t working. All he could feel was confusion, pain, numbness and his brother’s hand in his hair. He couldn’t figure it out, why was his brother crying? He wasn’t supposed to cry when they were together, he shouldn’t be upset. It was like what their mother had said to them as young boys, ‘ _You don’t ever need to be afraid if you have each other_ ’.

“Don’t…I’m sorry.” He just wished Fili would stop crying. Was he really that sorry that he was crying? Kili wanted to laugh at his brother, punch him in the arm and tell him to stop being such a wuss because there was nothing to worry about. But no matter what he did, he couldn’t, that just confused him even more. Maybe he was just very tired, or possibly he had gotten very drunk at Uncle Thorin’s and Fili had woken him up. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe he’d just wake up to see his brother’s smiling face.

“I forgive you…” Kili said, staring his brother straight in the eye as the sleepy feeling began to spin over him. He struggled to stay awake, but he couldn’t. He let out a small whimper before he felt the strong rush over take him and then nothing.

Fili stared wide at Kili as his movement slowed. One moment Kili was there, the next he was gone. Gone and never coming back. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. He moved his hand through Kili’s hair, not willing to let go. He would never let his baby brother go. Fili stared at Kili’s face, before the tears blurred his vision completely. The physical pain had numbed and been overwhelmed by a much stronger, emotional pain. He had failed.

He failed his family. He failed to keep Kili safe. He was the reason this happened. Thoughts whirled around in his head, he hated himself. He already missed Kili. It hadn’t even been a minute and he already couldn’t function. Fili knew this was the time where he should be climbing out of the totaled car, to seek help so he would live. But he couldn’t move towards the exit. He could only move closer to his brother, and rest his head on Kili’s chest. Fili could feel his brother’s blood against his cheek but that didn’t stop him. Fili was going to stay here with Kili, no one could stop him.

Tears continued to spill from his eyes as he tried to clear his mind and not think of anything. ‘ _Just pretend that you are falling asleep_.’ He tried to tell himself. Fili didn’t want to die. But he couldn’t live without Kili. He tightened his grip on Kili’s hair and wrapped his other arm around the waist of his brother tightly. Fili knew he was badly hurt, he just hoped that paramedics would be delayed so he’d slip away too before they’d get here. He closed his eyes as he breathed slowly. “I’m sorry brother…I’m so sorry.” He repeated over and over again until his voice didn’t work anymore. He felt like he lay there for what felt like hours, but in reality it were just minutes.

By the time he began to feel himself fade, he heard the sirens of the emergency team arriving. He did it, he did the last thing he could do for Kili. Let himself die before he could be saved. He did the only thing he could do to stay with his brother. And that was the last thought that passed through his mind before he finally slipped into the unknown. ‘ _Don’t worry baby brother, we’ll be together again soon._ ’

-

It was nearly four in the morning when Thorin had received the call from his crying sister. News on his nephews had arrived. When they didn’t show up at his house at the expected time and did not give him any word, he knew something was wrong. And after hours of worrying the news had finally come, but he wasn’t ready to hear it. He’d never be ready.


End file.
